Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
