Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
