I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
