shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
