hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
