There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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