I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
