she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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