shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
