good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
