I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
