For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
