you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
