Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
