I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
