My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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