I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
