I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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