I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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