drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
