yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
