Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
