Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
