Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
