how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
