dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
