He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
