I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
