we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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