I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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