theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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