Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
