we have officially lost it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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