Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
