sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
