It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
