smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
