If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to calm my uterus...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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