so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
