I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
