I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize