I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize