I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize