just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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