If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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