I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
