i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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