Just fell off a train. Bad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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