is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do vagina's smell?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
