Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
