need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
