It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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