Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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