My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A+ Viking dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
