I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
