Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
