I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
