"it" just moved
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
