will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
