So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
