Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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