I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
