Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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