My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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