this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
