Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
