I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
zippers are such a cool invention
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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