That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
