He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
